So just how much is too much? And no I ain’t asking about make-up, show of flesh and definitely not about salt in the food. I’m talking about emotional strain. Just how much (for lack of a better word) crap can we take from those that we love? Because apparently it is they that can hurt us the most.

I’m talking on behalf of that soft spoken mother/wife/girlfriend who cannot stand up for herself, always letting the significant other beat her down. She apologizes for mistakes she did not make, loses arguments willingly even though she is right just because she loves or respects you. I’m speaking for a brother who does anything to prove his father wrong because all he ever heard growing up was “You are headed for failure…you will amount to nothing”. I’m representing kids from dysfunctional families that put up a facade that everything is perfect when it is not. They live their lives as if they were messengers or personal assistants. Everyday it’s a case of, “Go tell your mother this…go tell your father that..” It’s unspoken but it’s like they are secretly forced to choose who among the folks is the favorite and it tears them apart because they love them both equally.

Yes, I am talking to you, you who have been through such pain; you who is still going through such pain. Can’t remember how many times you have soaked your pillow case at night? Well guess what, neither can I. And no, there is no leak on my roof just above my pillow case and I also don’t think i drool while I sleep. Soaked in tears…not the kind you cry when happy. Not the ones I cry as I watch movies (yeah I’m that emotional) and definitely not the ones you cried when mum used a mwiko or red slippers (apparently they were supposed to be more painful than the blue ones) to instill discipline squarely on your behind whenever you stole sugar from the kitchen cabinet.

I’m talking about the kind of tears that come from the depths of your soul. The kind of tears you suppress during the day or amidst people just so you seem okay…just so you seem strong..but you can hold them for only so long as they fight for their freedom in the comfort of your solitude; running freely down your cheeks as you think to yourself…”why me?!!”. The kind of tears that give you tummy cramps, migraines, puffy red eyes and a stuffed nose.

A big salute to you who have cried such. We may not share the same struggle but I feel your pain because I too have cried these tears. I know many are the times thoughts of revenge have clouded your mind…thoughts of running away from it all, thoughts of giving up on life have become too familiar in your head. You know what? I’ve had those thoughts too. But I choose to ignore them. Many are the times you feel one understands you but lemme tell you now… Someone feels your pain…someone understands your struggles… Someone cares. And this someone happens to be none other than our Heavenly Father.

As His children, He watches over us, He sees each tear. At times I don’t believe it especially when I’m in a fragile state (sorry God for doing this but I promise to trust you more) but after taking a cool glass of chill I remember that He gives His toughest battles to His strongest soldiers.

So smile because He got you covered. I don’t promise you that the tears will end right now but I can tell you for sure, He didn’t bring you this far to leave you.

So until next post…soldier on 🙂 God bless y’all.


2 thoughts on “HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH (Part 1)

  1. Drooling in your sleep it is…… You should have had a disclaimer that no tear was shed in the making of this post :”D Walk on Soldier.

  2. bamzielove says:

    Hahaha.. thanks Kasina. Indeed no tear was shed as I wrote the piece. Thank you once again.

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